OTTAWA — In an apparent bid to take back the spotlight stolen by rival pathogen COVID-19, the bubonic plague — also known as the bacterium Yersinia pestis — released a sex tape of itself yesterday on social media. In the video, the bacterium is seen participating in a bacchanalian orgy of asexual reproduction. Although some critics call the video disgusting and opportunistic, local high school biology teacher Wendell Shack contends that the video has educational value. “While I don’t agree with all the moaning, you can still learn a lot about cellular mitosis by watching it,” he said. Mr. Shack suggests skipping the first 22 minutes and 36 seconds of the video “if you want to get right to the good part.”