OTTAWA — According to local environmental science professor Stuart Wrench, a new hole spotted this week in the ozone layer is just a selfish cry for attention. When asked to elaborate, Professor Wench said, “The ozone layer is like a little brat who needs constant attention. Take my boy Tom; when his little sister was born, he started throwing tantrums all the time. With all this coronavirus stuff — yeah, the ozone layer is out the news, so it’s just throwing a tantrum.” Asked what should be done about the new ozone layer hole, Professor Wrench said, “Just ignore the stupid little shit.”